Tuesday, March 24, 2015

terrible twos? ah, those halcyon days...

Be warned - there is naughty language in this clip and children watching it will be upset to discover how their parents really feel about them!
 
Suffice to say, Dulcie is driving me crazy at the moment.  Friday saw me collapsed on the floor, surrounded by approximately 10,000 buttons that she was refusing to help pick up, with Dulcie climbing all over me, clawing me and whining, "I only want you to play with me.  Why won't you play with me?  You're not looking after me."  When I finally cracked and started to weep, she patted me on the shoulder and said, "Why are you not having a good day, Mum?"  I don't mind admitting it took all my willpower not to tell her exactly why my day was not going well.  She is so much hard work right now, but an angel whenever there are witnesses, which weirdly makes it harder to accept the non-angel moments when we're alone.  Is it really all my fault?!  Is it me?!

My boss and I were comparing horror stories about our three-year-old daughters this weekend (I didn't give him the full details of the weeping and all, but a heavily edited version, obviously) and he sent me a link to this clip, claiming it had helped his wife through some tough times.  IT HELPED.  And it made me laugh too.  The first five minutes or so of this clip ARE MY LIFE.  I am not alone!  Watching this lets me cut myself some slack and believe that I haven't caused this or brought it on myself, that I haven't broken Dulcie and set her on a path towards a miserable life, that this too shall pass.  Because my three-year-old is a three-year-old and that's what the problem is.

My mum is keeping Dulcie for me today, and had her for a sleepover last night.  Yesterday afternoon, I napped for over four hours (by mistake) then got up to go swimming, came home, went to bed early and slept for over 9 hours.  I spent over 50% of 24 hours asleep, like a cat!  But I feel so much better now.  Oh, so much better.  Sleep, you beautiful healer.  I love you.  Maybe with this clip on repeat and regular naps, I could do this.  I do hope so.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

swim sunday #11


Mark Phwoarghster.  Any excuse :)

Target total this week: 598
Lengths swum this week: 114!
Total lengths swum: 588 (10 behind target)

I'd need to swim 65 lengths this week to meet next week's target.

Wowsers!  I'm so proud of my swimming this week :)  I felt good on Monday night and managed to swim 64 lengths (that's a mile!) with not much resting between lengths.  On Thursday morning, I felt rubbish and was thinking that I might manage 10 lengths at a push, but that that was better than no lengths.  Well, then I drove to the pool, tried to get into a parking space and put a massive dent in my new car in the process!  Waaah!  So that was not great for my car or my mood (cue phoning Graham in tears of frustration and embarrassment) but I think the adrenaline rush helped with the swim, because I managed 50 lengths and didn't have the usual struggle to get through each and every one of the first 20.  Every cloud, etc!  And the dent in the car is not as bad as I first thought and I'm pretty much over it.  Pretty much.  I drove to work today without incident.  If I can make it home again, I'll be back on the road officially.

I'm hoping to get ahead with the swimming this week, touch wood.  I'm feeling pretty rubbish in general, but my new muscles must be making the swimming comparatively easier, I think.  My thighs are solid as a rock!  Ha!

Monday, March 16, 2015

interim swim!


Just before anyone panics about how far behind I am with my swimming, I've done 64 lengths since I wrote that post a few hours ago!  The first 20 were a struggle of sorts but then it was pretty great and weirdly enjoyable.  I'm shattered, but in a good way, and it did help my jangly nerves, as I'd hoped it might.  My morale/mojo really needed the boost of a swimming achievement.  I'm hoping for a second good swim before the week is out.  I will not be defeated by the Channel! :)

swim sunday #10 (on a monday! sorry...)

A mermaid embroidery I stitched in 2008, back when I used to be crafty :(

Target total this week: 544
Lengths swum this week: 0!
Total lengths swum: 474 (70 behind target)

I'd need to swim 124 lengths this week to meet next week's target.

You know what?  I could have gone swimming this week, I just couldn't be bothered.  I am going swimming tonight.  I'm not feeling any mojo for anything much right now, but am trying hard to stay motivated.  I'm doing really well in some areas (making lots of progress in the great clear-out of our house and am forcing myself to drive regularly to ever more challenging places) but the healthy living is slipping.  Got to get back on it!

Yesterday I drove to my parents' house for a Mother's Day lunch, which meant my first motorway trip with only a sat nav for co-pilot.  (I had Graham and Dulcie in the car with me, but neither of them can drive.)  The journey went reasonably well - I got beeped at and was a bit scared/unsure of what I was doing at times, but I was feeling mostly proud of myself by the time I got home again, for my driving and my relative positivity.  Then some horrible feeling started creeping in and I now feel sick and fluttery and horrified that I COULD HAVE KILLED US ALL!  I can't stop worrying that something bad is happening to Dulcie or thinking about all the various ways any one of us could come to harm at any time.  I just wept while watching the Great British Sewing Bee final, and not just because I didn't agree with their choice of winner.  Seriously, I think I'm having some kind of miniature post-traumatic stress disorder.  I made myself drive to work this morning (and got beeped at again - aargh!) so that I wouldn't feel I had been defeated and I will force myself to continue, but right now my hands are numb and my stomach is churning and my head is pounding and I never want to go on the motorway again.  But it was so great to pop through to my mum and dad's for Sunday lunch, something I haven't been able to do since I left home.  I will not be defeated.  Hopefully the swim will shake the jangles out of my system.

Friday, March 13, 2015

gnnnaaarrr!

http://tecnouser.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Emoticon-icona-didacchiante_1.jpg
Do you use whatsapp?  If so, you're probably familiar with that emoticon.  I'm not even sure what it's meant to represent, I just know I very often feel it represents exactly what I feel.  It's been a difficult day.  Why did I ever think I'd make a good mother?  Gnnnaaarrr!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

birds about town

 I'm definitely feeling as though spring could be in the air.  Dulcie and I headed out for a picnic in the Botanics yesterday and stayed out all afternoon, milling about and touring various local play parks.  I had forgotten how much nicer it feels to be able to spend all day out and about, taking things as they come rather than planning activities or trying (like a moron) to get things done in the house.  Roll on spring and summer!  While wandering, I spotted this little Tunnocks bird someone had made, risking life and limb (presumably) to stretch over the edge of a very high bridge to attach it to this tree stump.  Very cute and perfect in the crisp, bright coldness.
The other birds we hung out with were less sweet - the scavenging greedy louts known as the Pigeons of the Botanics...  Dulcie's inner monologue: "Back off, birds, I don't share my crisps with no-one...
"And smile for the camera!"
 
We also met an 11-week-old Alaskan malamute puppy who licked us into happy oblivion and was possibly the softest thing I have ever felt.  Do you know what they look like?  Ridiculously cute, I tell you!  I can't find a picture online that is even half as cute as the one we met, but this should give you some idea.
 
We had a good afternoon.  Dulcie was full of the joys - her imagination was running wild (she claimed she could see her Auntie Kerry's house from the top of the swing and told me what everyone was doing there) and she made lots of friends, including one rather eccentric little boy who drove her to Japan on an imaginary bus to buy sausages.  Lovely.  So let's just not mention the journey home, where she SCREAMED and SCREAMED and SCREAMED and SCREAMED.  This seems to be her pattern at the moment - 90% hilarious and delightful and kind and fun to be with, 10% unreasonable banshee.  And still not letting me sleep, naturally.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

swim sunday #9

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fU8ke4dmx00/T_hESNLYZ5I/AAAAAAAAAJs/37k5ZJZgwdo/s1600/TechniqueSwimDiagram.jpg
Target total this week: 490
Lengths swum this week: 90!
Total lengths swum: 474 (16 behind target)

I'd need to swim 70 lengths this week to meet next week's target.

Monday night's swim was almost unbearably hard, Thursday morning's swim was great, probably because I forgot to take my medication that day.  Annoying to be reminded how rubbish my medication makes me feel, but nice not to feel like I was about to die (first time in weeks) and to be able to enjoy the swim.  Also gives me another excuse to trot out when I fall behind again ;)  I'm hoping to get caught up this week.  The 70 lengths I'd need to do are 20 lengths less than the 90 lengths I did this week and therefore obviously not impossible. 

These blog posts are totally keeping me going with this challenge.  Sorry they're not more entertaining to read and that there are so few other posts at the moment.  I'm in a productive/progress-making mood, so have been busy even though not BUSY.  I'm going to tackle the first craft from my Craftathon 2015 list soon, so I'll be sure to blog about that.
(image from here)