good morning

Grapefruit.  Mmm!  Dulcie doesn't take after me in many ways, but I do like to think her new-found love of grapefruit could be genetic.  Like me (and unlike her father) she eats it with gusto, as you can see.

Dulcie is currently enjoying a very long lie, following a night of staying up late and torturing her dad while I was out at work.  These weekdays I get up early, setting my alarm and showering before Graham gets up for work.  If I'm not washed and dressed before Dulcie gets up for the day, there's a real danger I won't get washed and dressed at all.  Days like today (rare though they are) would be a great godsend of time to GET THINGS DONE, but since Dulcie still always ends up in our bed rather than her cot (though no longer for the whole night - we are making some progress behind the scenes) it means I can't wander far from the room or do anything that makes the slightest noise.  She has an annoying habit of waking silently and then sneaking over to the precipice of the bed's edge.  So far, she has only fallen out once.  She came out of that incident relatively unscathed, but it's not something I am keen to repeat!  So, while I listen for signs of life from the bedroom, I have been paying (HUGE) bills online and perusing a few blogs where, it seems, not much is really happening.  But then I am the one blogging about grapefruit, so who am I to speak?!

Once Dulcie is up and fed and dressed, we will be going to toddler group.  Shudder.  I try to take Dulcie every week now.  She quite likes it (though usually only if I am within touching distance) while I still hate it, but I haven't come close to running out of the place in tears for a couple of months, so I guess it is getting better.  As Dulcie becomes more mobile/independent/nosey, I find myself more and more aware of Joe Public judging me on my parenting skills.  He needn't bother - I judge myself quite enough, the voice of Supernanny looming loud in my ears.  The thing is, sometimes I know perfectly well that I'm doing things wrong (telling Dulcie not to do something then not bothering to stop her if she does it anyway) but it's usually because that's what I need to do for myself and my own sanity.  Quite often I take Dulcie out once I've reached the end of my tether in the house, and letting her off with murder in the park (while watching for real danger) is the closest I get to a break all week.  So sue me, Supernanny!  

Yesterday, Dulcie and I spent lots of time in our new favourite hangout of Kibble Palace, the big glass house in the Botanic Gardens.  We can spend ages in there, watching the fish, putting our coppers in the zig-zaggy collection box, climbing on and off benches, picking flowers/saying, "No, don't pick the flowers."  Yesterday Dulcie found an area covered in tiny stones, which she proceeded to pick up and throw around.  Under the tiny stones was a layer of mud, which she scraped up with her bare hands, making sure it got right under her fingernails.  She then wiped her hands all over her lovely pale green dungarees before scooping up more, which I had to wrestle away from her mouth.  She did get the message about not eating it, but decided to smear it all over her face Commando style instead.  I was quite glad when she found a small puddle and started guddling her hands around in it, thinking it might get at least the worst of the dirt off.  However, once her hands were clean, she decided to sit in the puddle.  The first time she did this, I swiftly removed her.  The second time, I removed her more slowly.  By the third time, I had lost all energy and was wondering what the point was.  She couldn't really get much wetter or dirtier by this point.  This was how I found myself relaxing on a bench in Kibble Palace while my 18-month-old daughter, with barely a square inch of her person mud-free, rolled around all on her own in a puddle on the ground, giving every gawping passer-by the biggest smile they'd ever seen.  And did they judge me as a terrible mother?  You know what, even in the middle-class, somewhat uptight surrounds of the Botanic Gardens, most of those people who caught Dulcie in flagrante walked off with a great big smile on their faces too.  And when we got home, all that mud washed right off and my energy levels were restored enough to be able to make a start on dinner.

So what am I saying?  Well, I guess I should be saying that it doesn't matter what Supernanny or her band of spies think of your parenting techniques, that you do what is right for you and to hell with the glares and stares.  But I think what I'm actually saying is that as long as your child is smiling and full of the joys, you can get away with pretty much anything!

we do really

Yesterday, Dulcie and I walked for half an hour to get to Bounce and Rhyme at the local-but-one library, only to find out it wasn't on (this seems to be the story of our lives lately) so we had to wander through Partick to get to the park instead.  Dulcie loves being able to walk on her own and I'm usually pretty happy to go at her snails' pace and stop to look at everything.  I was particularly happy when she showed such an interest in this graffiti, which had already caught my eye and was destined to be photographed for blogging anyway.  I do love a bit of good-humoured negativity when it comes to graffiti and this one did make me chuckle, even though I am quite fond of Scotland really.

Dulcie was absolutely determined to hang out at these railings, the little wall being just the right height for her to sit on.  She hung around here for ages, just swinging off the railings and pulling the weeds out of the pavement.  I thought she looked like something satright out of 1978 and was definitely rocking that urban-cool look, with street cred coming out of her ears... if only it wasn't for the handmade cardigan!  Incidentally, Dulcie's cardigan has already been attracting compliments from total strangers, so is obviosuly a winner.  Yay!  Maybe that's why she made so many friends yesterday.  Everywhere we went, people we'd never seen before were chatting to her and playing peekaboo and even giving her presents.  Ah, the power of crochet! :)

achievements large and small

 Or should that be "achievements small and smaller"?  Either way, looky-look, I finally finished Dulcie's cardigan, sewing on the buttons at work last night.  It's not perfect (a little baggy round the body and smallish on the arms - she's long and lean, this one) but the great news is that Dulcie herself loves it.  Yay!  I took it off her while we were having lunch and, as soon as we were finished eating, she ran and got it, giving me her best "Peeeeease!" until I helped her put it back on.  Mind you, she did later appear wearing a pair of her dad's dirty pants round her neck, so perhaps I shouln't take it as that much of a compliment!

And my other achievement? Finding the missing part (the central piece, no less) of everyone's favourite wooden cat puzzle, which had been AWOL for weeks.  Dulcie and I are both glad to have him back in one piece, or should I say, back in five pieces?

On a day when I didn't manage to get dressed until nearly 3pm (and even then  only by sacrificing my shower) achievements like this are not to be sniffed at!

the mum limpet (in dungarees)

Waaaah!  Believe it or not, this outfit makes Dulcie really happy.  It gets pulled out of the dirty washing basket at least three times daily.  But this is just how she was feeling all of last week.  She's still coughing and spluttering, but seems otherwise back to her old self - a bit less clingy and able to demonstrate the pleasure she finds in things once again.

This was as close as we got to a smile that day.  I could tell she was enjoying herself at the park (partly because of how much she screamed - Jesus H Christ - when I put her back in the pram to leave) but we got lots of comments from strangers about how nonplussed she looked.

Hardly surprising when you see this photo demonstrating her absolute joy on the swing...

She may look cute, but she's a brute.  (She's not really - that's just one for the Reeves and Mortimer fans.)

Flying solo with a poorly little mum limpet all week was hard work, but I still made sure to savour all the extra cuddles she forced on me.  Ah, I do so love this little blighter, but hopefully this week she'll at least give me enough space to do things like eat and go to the toilet!

elgin and beyond

I've been back from our holiday up north for over a week now, but am taking the better-late-than-never approach to a spot of holiday-snap sharing.  We had a lovely time, especially Dulcie, who couldn't have been happier having a big back garden to play in.  This barrow was very popular once she figured out how to lift and push the handles all at once.  Other big garden hits included a couple of footballs (I tell you, I was THIS close to phoning Manchester United's talent scout!) and a sit-upon ladybird rocker thingummy.  She also just generally loved picking up stones and checking out/falling in all the flowers.  We have a shared back garden at home, but, being all slope and no flats, it is no good for a toddler to toddle in.  Luckily, we are spoiled for choice when it comes to parks, but it's not quite the same as being able to wander freely from kitchen to garden and back again.

 Hello?

 Hello!

These are the baby rays at Macduff Aquarium where we passed a lovely afternoon with the fishes.  I love

the baby rays and their cute alien faces.  Those are actually nostrils rather than eyes, apparently, but they'll always be eyes to me.  We thought they looked like Zoe Wanamaker with her big, stretched face in Doctor Who.

We arrived just in time for feeding, where the dogfish (a.k.a. mini sharks) took a worrying interest in Dulcie above all others.  We also timed it just right to get to hold plenty of rockpool critters. My mum and I had watched a programme about rockpool inhabitants on BBC Four a few weeks before. It was a great programme, but did make me a bit wary of the seemingly placid starfish and limpets. Scary stuff!

Here's Dulcie with my dad, just outside the aquarium.  She was happy and entertained all afternoon here, so it was well worth the two-hour roundtrip, plus we stopped for ice cream on the way home.

But by far the biggest hit of the holiday was the beaches.  Despite it being a bit cold and blustery (great opportunity to break out the puddle suit!) Dulcie's face just lit up as soon as we arrived.  This is her on Lossiemouth's beach, gathering shells, talking to dogs and generally having a good wander and nosey.

Thank goodness Dulcie's grandparents had the energy to run up and down the dunes with her (again and again and again) because her parents certainly didn't!

I do have some photos of Graham and I on another beach (Findhorn, where we had fish and chips in a little pub overlooking the water) but I'm not sure he'd thank you if I shared them.  And I would absolutely be willing to share the video he shot of me trying and failing to jump over a 30cm-wide river (rivulet!) but it's on Graham's phone and I'm writing this on my lunch break at work, so no can do.  You'll just have to use your imagination.

And so, with a toddle off into the horizon, ends the holiday highlights post.  Happy days.

what is a terrorbite anyway?

bunting, a photo by dropstitch on Flickr.

I got an email from flickr this morning letting me know that they've increased their free storage to a terabyte. I'm not very good with bytes etc, but I'm pretty certain that's massive. This is all very good timing as I was (reluctantly) about to pay to go pro again so that I could use my flickr account to back up the photos from my Mac. My Mac is currently unusable and is refusing to let me do anything (and I mean ANYTHING) until I delete some files. I've ordered an external hard drive, but once you start contemplating losing all your photos (and designs and whatever else) you start to wonder whether a hard drive is reliable enough either. And so I had decided to get back into flickr. And now it looks like I won't even have to pay. Yay!

In the meantime (God knows when I'll find the time required to transfer/upload and delete everything) it's exciting to be able to see more than my last 200 photos. This is the first photo I ever shared on flickr. This feels like decades ago. I was quite surprised to realise this was only taken in 2007, a mere six years ago. I spend a lot of time worrying that 23 to death-at-indeterminate-age will pass in a flash and nothing will have changed and I won't have done anything, so it's quite nice to see that I have done and changed quite a lot just since the age of 27, even if it is just making some stuff and getting new glasses/cutting my hair off, rather than buying property or becoming a company director or getting married or what have you.

Anyway, this photo. This is me holding some giant cupcake bunting that I made for my eldest niece's birthday. Kim will be eight this year, so I guess this was for her second birthday. I spent ages making this bunting (which Kim still has up in her bedroom - yay!) sewing up all the felt icing by hand and hand-stitching on all the different beads for sprinkles. I used to love taking time to complete rambling and over-ambitious handmade projects, doing things maybe not in the fastest way, but pottering and learning as I went and having something fun to show/share at the end of it. I'm always hoping to get back to that sort of crafting (one of my reasons for shutting up shop on etsy) and I think maybe blogging etc. makes it harder - you feel like you should constantly have new things to share. But I have quite a few plans now of things I want to make for Dulcie and for our house, so hopefully I'll get back to my 2007 levels of slow but solid craftiness eventually. That said, I haven't found so much as a minute to attempt to sew up Dulcie's romper suit since I got back from my mum and dad's, and she is busy growing out of her crocheted cardigan while I try to find the time to attach buttons. I won't be too hard on myself about this though. Dulcie is a bit under the weather this week and it has made her into a mum limpet. I can't even go to the toilet or check a single email without it turning into a major drama (I'm making the most of her illness-induced long lie to type this) so there is really no way I could embark on a project that actually demanded time and attention. But soon, soon! I don't know when or how, but (I repeat) soon!

I used to use flickr a lot before I had a blog. You should go and have a look at all the fun and pointless things I used to make and do. It's fun to look at, or it is for me, at least. I should really start using flickr properly again. My brand of "properly", I mean, i.e. snaps of life's minutae - things made and things spotted in the street. 

But time, time, time... ya bass!

Ugh.

compromising on matters of the heart

When I got my internal defibrillator fitted, I was advised to get some incredibly ugly and embarrassing medical alert jewellery to wear.  I couldn't bring myself to do that, partly because I don't want my situation out on display 24/7, partly because I am more vain than I probably appear and partly because I just don't do jewellery.  However, in a bid to come to terms with stuff and accept things that I have no control over, I compromised and made this medical alert card for my purse.  I figure that in an unconscious type of emergency situation, passers by or paramedics are as likely to look in my purse as they are to check my body for tacky but useful  items of jewellery.  I do feel a bit safer now.  

I'm not minding my swanky device so much these days.  It can still be a bit sore and uncomfortable at times, but mostly I can forget it's there and I very rarely feel the fear that I might be shocked.  I think I may even be starting to feel a little reassured by its presence.  This is all very positive really, considering I've only had two months to get used to it so far.

I am still a little bit paranoid about it at times, I suppose.  Graham has agreed to go on a first aid course so that he knows how to resuscitate me.  Kind of romantic?!  Ha!  I also get a bit anxious at work since I figure (probability-wise) that I'd be quite likely to be zapped there if I was going to get zapped anywhere.  I decided I wanted to tell the managers and first aiders what the situation was and what to do in an emergency, figuring that was another good compromise - it meant that not everyone would know my freak status but that there would usually be someone around who did.  I wrote a carefully composed email and ran it by my boss, but then I realised who the first aiders were and that one of them was the office's (nay, the world's) biggest gossip and someone I definitely did not want to know my business so I did not send the email.  I decided I would just have a quiet word with a few people who often seem to be in the office when I am, but it's not really the kind of thing that is very easy to bring up in conversation, so I haven't managed to do it yet.  I guess I should.  Once it's done, hopefully I can stop thinking about it.  Being able not to be thinking about this situation (the situation as a whole, not just the device) most of the time is my goal.  I think I might be getting there - very, very slowly, but getting there nonetheless.  I'm pretty sure I've had some 15-minute spells of not considering my impending doom lately, which is a big improvement and makes it slightly easier to stay on the right side of sanity!

Hey, my medical alert card co-ordinates perfectly with my red purse.  Don't presume these things happen by accident, people! :)