Excuse the lack of image here. I'm blogging on my lunch break at work and am having problems finding an appropriate picture to use. Apparently flickr no longer allows you to blog directly from it. Bit rubbish really.
So I've had it pointed out that my blog post from yesterday sounded a bit dramatic. I'm not sure whether it did, but that wasn't my intention. It was meant to be another of my trademark nothing-posts about how you might mother when you're not really A MOTHER, by which I mean one of those baby bloggers with a beautifully styled home who get given eco-friendly baby products to review in between delivering carefully planned activities designed to aid their child's brain development, all the while holding down some fabulous career in a creative field. You know, I'm not sure those MOTHERS actually exist in the real world, but I know I enjoy reading posts from mothers (note the small case here) without picture-perfect lives now and again, so sometimes I like to share the odd snippet from my real life. I should add, for fairness and so I don't sound completely bitter, that sometimes I like reading MOTHERS' blogs too, I just have to give them up from time to time.
My path into parenthood hasn't exactly been the traditional one. No, I'm not talking about immaculate conception, I just mean things (the pregnancy, the birth, the life after pregnancy) didn't go the way I presumed they would. I think I probably have an unusual (possibly interesting or useful...sometimes) perspective on things. The majority of people have had a comparatively smooth ride into motherhood and the majority of bloggers paint a more-perfect-than-reality picture of their lives. These facts combined mean most baby/family blogs are not that relevant to someone like me whose experience of motherhood is far from all that. Bringing up a child while coming to terms with having a life-threatening/life-limiting illness throws up its own challenges for sure and most of the time I don't share the scary stuff on here. Generally speaking, my blog posts become more frequent and often more positive as my life gets scarier/more depressing as I tend to use blogging as a therapy of sorts, a chance to focus mainly, though not exclusively, on the stuff that makes life good, but that doesn't mean I'll never want to give people a glimpse into the bad side.
So, where was I? Well, my situation is unusual but by no means unique and I'm sure there are many people who, like me, would appreciate reading about a less-than-perfect mother doing her best in a shitty situation. (Oh, lordy, I just busted out a swear word for only the second time in this blog's history and last time it turned into a mega-rant!) One of the hardest things about motherhood going wrong, in any significant way, is that you end up feeling pretty isolated. I'm no longer part of the no-children crowd, but equally I don't feel part of the group of people who do have children. My experience, my life and my future bears little or no resemblance to theirs and I think other people like me (people with any real negative element to their parenting experience) tend to slip under the radar. My goodness, I would LOVE to have a blog to read where the author was right royally pissed off at the hand they'd been dealt, someone I could relate my story to in some small way, but by and large, blogs like that just don't seem to exist. I know nobody wants to hear about other people's health problems and gripes and groans day in and day out (I don't either) but life would be better for those of us in Shitsville if some people aired some of their dirty laundry some of the time. That's what I think anyway. So, while many of my thoughts and fears stay well away from this blog much of the time, I think it's a good thing for me to share a glimpse of the reality now and again.
I suppose my situation is inherently dramatic really. I used the expression "life-threatening" back there without a second thought because I'm quite used to thinking about my life in these terms (that's not to say I like it) but I can see how that would sound from an outside perspective. I guess I just want to make it clear that if I suddenly share some of the more unsavoury parts of my life/brain it doesn't mean that I'm having a flaky and falling apart, it probably just means that I'm hoping someone is reading my blog and relating to it in some way, maybe even to the point that they'd raise their heads above the parapet and say hello and remind me that I'm not the only mother making the best out of a bad situation. And, yes, I do know how lucky I am to have Dulcie!
Just to dampen down the drama even more (I think today's post is running the risk of being even more dramatic than yesterday's) I felt much better yesterday afternoon once I'd had a nap and a spicy mocha! :)