Monday, March 16, 2015

swim sunday #10 (on a monday! sorry...)

A mermaid embroidery I stitched in 2008, back when I used to be crafty :(

Target total this week: 544
Lengths swum this week: 0!
Total lengths swum: 474 (70 behind target)

I'd need to swim 124 lengths this week to meet next week's target.

You know what?  I could have gone swimming this week, I just couldn't be bothered.  I am going swimming tonight.  I'm not feeling any mojo for anything much right now, but am trying hard to stay motivated.  I'm doing really well in some areas (making lots of progress in the great clear-out of our house and am forcing myself to drive regularly to ever more challenging places) but the healthy living is slipping.  Got to get back on it!

Yesterday I drove to my parents' house for a Mother's Day lunch, which meant my first motorway trip with only a sat nav for co-pilot.  (I had Graham and Dulcie in the car with me, but neither of them can drive.)  The journey went reasonably well - I got beeped at and was a bit scared/unsure of what I was doing at times, but I was feeling mostly proud of myself by the time I got home again, for my driving and my relative positivity.  Then some horrible feeling started creeping in and I now feel sick and fluttery and horrified that I COULD HAVE KILLED US ALL!  I can't stop worrying that something bad is happening to Dulcie or thinking about all the various ways any one of us could come to harm at any time.  I just wept while watching the Great British Sewing Bee final, and not just because I didn't agree with their choice of winner.  Seriously, I think I'm having some kind of miniature post-traumatic stress disorder.  I made myself drive to work this morning (and got beeped at again - aargh!) so that I wouldn't feel I had been defeated and I will force myself to continue, but right now my hands are numb and my stomach is churning and my head is pounding and I never want to go on the motorway again.  But it was so great to pop through to my mum and dad's for Sunday lunch, something I haven't been able to do since I left home.  I will not be defeated.  Hopefully the swim will shake the jangles out of my system.

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