scar!

 Turns out I didn't really need any encouragement to get my hacked-up decolletage out on show after all!  Here's my scar (and bruise) as it was a few days after my operation.  Glam-tastic!

And here's how it looked just under two weeks after the procedure.  (I don't ALWAYS wear this top, you know!)  Not bad, eh?

My scar is not really painful any more, just the odd twinge if I move the wrong way, but, man oh man, is it itchy!  I am doing my best not to scratch.  My mum always told me that an itchy scar was a healing scar, so I'm looking on this irritation as a good thing overall.  My aching muscles (the bigger problem) are doing much better now too and, since I devised a pillow prop, I have been able to alternate between sleeping on my back and on my right side, which makes sleep much easier and less uncomfortable.  I have an occasionally twitching diaphragm as a result of the op, but it is gradually settling down (it was constant for the first few days) so I'm hoping it will sort itself out eventually.  It feels a bit like hiccups and drives me bleedin' mental, guv!

The doctor who carried out my operation said she had worked really hard to give me a nice, neat scar, partly to compensate for how horrendously every other aspect of the procedure went.  (Maybe I'll share that traumatic tale some other day...)  Every doctor I've met since has greeted me with, "Nice scar!" or similar, so I guess she did do a good job.  It does look much less noticeable than I had expected/feared (and I don't think you can tell I have a big metal box lurking under my skin, or not at first glance anyway) but I seem to scar really easily these days so I don't have particularly high hopes for it fading to a barely-there white hairline.  Most of my clothes (basically anything other than a blouse-type top, of which I don't have many, or a high-necked dress, which is no good for breastfeeding purposes) leave it very visible, so I'm hoping I don't mind showing it off once it's a bit less pink and scabby.  Fashion isn't really high on my agenda at the best of times, but I'd prefer not to have my wardrobe choices dictated by my scar.  I guess it's all a matter of attitude... and posting pictures on my blog is probably a good start!  I'm trying to think of a mantra along the lines of, "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!" but with something referring to having a dodgy heart and various related war wounds in place of the queer part.

Scaramanga, baby!