whatever happened to ben the boffin?

I saw a clip of Zig and Zag on TV tonight and suddenly remembered Ben The Boffin and the time my friend Julia and I nearly had a poem read out on national television. This was back in the halcyon days of 1994-ish and Julia and I, when not sufficiently entertained by our antics in Annalise And The Messiah, used to compose love letters to Ben The Boffin in our spare time and send them off to The Big Breakfast. One day I got in from school and received a phone call from some producer/TV type or other to tell us they would be reading out the poem we had recently sent in on Ben The Boffin's slot later that week. We were so excited and told everyone we knew. Well, lo and behold, the day came and went and the poem was not read out. Boo. Looking back, I think it was probably because I was under 16 and the poem was rather racy, but maybe we just got axed because it wasn't that great. It came as rather a surprise to me this evening (amazing what depths of your mind you can plumb when trapped under a hungry baby) that I could remember the whole poem in all its glory, so I thought I would share it with the world at large here. Better late than never and I'm sure my readership matches The Big Breakfast's viewing figures. Everyone knows Google Analytics only shows 0.000001% of your actual readers, right? Here follows the poem that almost but did not quite give us our 15 minutes of fame.

Ben, Ben, Ben The Boffin
For you we'd end up in a coffin
Your sexiness drives us to despair
We write to you but you just don't care
We send you our love but you turn us away
Oh, please, won't you come for a roll in the hay?
So do us a favour and blow us a kiss
Tongues included if you wish.