I am in a fankle. A couple of weeks ago, Dulcie stopped being a superstar sleeper and decided that she absolutely would not sleep if she was in her cot. We could get her to fall asleep in our arms, but as soon as the tip of a single hair on her head so much as grazed her own mattress, she was awake and screaming. After a fair few nights of next to no sleep for me, bleary eyed, I took her into bed with me so I could doze while she fed. I can feel Supernanny's glare burning a red-hot "I told you so" as I type this because now I cannot get Dulcie out of our bed for love nor money.
Graham has been relegated to the spare room because Dulcie has completely taken over his side of the bed. Over the last week she has spent no more than a couple of hours sleeping in her cot and, worse than that, about 90% of the time she's in our bed, she is firmly attached to my boobs. I feel like I've painted myself into a corner with her and just can't get out of it. I sleep really badly with her in the bed with me (contorted into uncomfortable positions and constantly worrying I'll smother her) but it is the only way I can get any sleep at all.
I've tried to stay strong a couple of times this week, putting her into her cot and trying everything I can to soothe her there, but after four hours of sobbing (from Dulcie and from me) I've caved in and taken her into bed with me again. Once she falls asleep there, Graham can sometimes manage to transfer her back into her own cot without waking her (if I try to lift her she just smells milk and her eyelids snap open) but she'll always wake up after an hour tops and start screaming once she realises where she is.
I knew it was a bad idea to take her into bed with me in the first place, but I just wanted to sleep. Is that really so wrong of me, Supernanny? I'm wondering if a dummy would help, but having got through more than ten months without one, I'm loathe to get her hooked on a dummy now. But perhaps weaning her off a bedtime dummy down the line would be easier than weaning her off big bed and boobs now? Oh, I am in a mess.
To top it all off, Dulcie is going through a stage where she can't bear to be apart from me and starts crying if I so much as turn my back on her, let alone (God forbid) try to leave the room for a minute. I'm not sure whether this is contributing to her nighttime behaviour, but it certainly makes it harder for me to cope with it. Other than when Graham gives her her nightly bath, this baby is literally on me 24/7. It is nice to feel wanted, but I'm really not sure how much more I can take. I just want my bed back, but a wee hour or two of baby-free time in the evening wouldn't go amiss either.
Has anybody got any bright ideas, or am I really going to have to summon the wrath of Jo Frost?
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This sounds just like Anya! She was a nightmare sleeper and apart from one night when I'd had some wine and was still breastfeeding, she didn't sleep through the night until she was about 18 months old. We eventually resorted to controlled crying - not always a popular method but it worked for us. We had to warn the neighbours what we were doing and I had to get myself in the right place mentally to do it but as I say it was worth it. Read up on it and see what other people do but from what I remember, we started off with me sitting next to the cot so she could still see I was there but not interacting with her/talking to her (I think I pretended to read a book!) If she sat up I would go and gently lie her down and then resume my place next to the cot. Once she got used to that I moved the chair nearer the door and did the same thing. Then the doorway....until I was eventually outside! It took weeks and lots of resolve! If she cried when we were out of the room, we went back into her, tucked her back in and walked out without talking to her or smiling at her. The health visitor told us to reserve smiles for the morning and when she was meant to be awake! It was hard and as I say went on for a good 4 weeks but it was worth it. When she got older though we had to resort to a stair gate on her door as she just wandered down to the front room to see us rather than crying! Hope that makes sense!
ReplyDeleteThanks :) Sounds like controlled crying was sort of what I was doing instinctively the other night, but when I was sat on the bed near the cot, Dulcie was staring at me like I was the meanest woman alive and literally shoving her arms through the bars so she could reach out to me. It just about broke my heart! I think I am definitely not in the right place mentally for controlled crying right now... but perhaps I will try hitting the wine while she's having her pre-feed bath tonight! Ha! She was sleeping pretty well just recently so I'm really hoping this might be a phase she'll sort out herself before I have to summon too much steely resolve.
DeleteDon't go there, will send you an email later just know you have done nothing wrong and all the behaviour Dulcie is displaying at the mo is perfectly normal for a baby her age. x
ReplyDeleteThank you :) I will hold off my email to Jo Frost for now! We were out at a first birthday party this afternoon and my friend was saying her baby behaved similarly while going through teething and separation anxiety too, so feeling a bit more hopeful about/less responsible for the situation.
DeleteDepending on your parenting style, you may find "The New Basics" by Michel Cohen helpful. He's a French pediatrician practicing in the U.S. He has a method for dealing with fussy sleepers based on the age of the child. It might not be for you, but, I thought it worth the suggestion.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the suggestion - I'll look into it :)
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